Oh HELLO!
What’s new, pussycats? Did you hear that some young royal Brit is banging his stepmother?
That’s soooooooooo interesting. Season 2, you’ve had your fun, but all good things, such as the Republican National Convention, must come to an end. Spotted: Season 1 Episode 16, back from a mysterious absence. The bitch is back. In fact, ‘the queen’ is back if you don’t feel uncomfortable mixing your metaphors or at least your references to British royalty and if you think that Serena is anything more than a middling contributor to the field hockey team who is pretty adept with a curling iron and eventually turns in her math homework even though she always seems to have an excuse. An excuse like the RACE CARD.
[Note: 1. Yes this is a legitimate journalistic organization, so we’re not taking sides in either fight, NOT TO MENTION the firefight in Pakistan. Literally, NOT TO MENTION. 2. Or you can choose to look at it this way: We love Serena because her hair tickles our skin and sometimes she’s so sad when it’s not even her fault even though she KINDA knows Fannie and Freddie Mortimer. But we have her doubts even though she is so, so pretty because why is she so against doing cocaine? Why is he so against doing cocaine? Why didn’t she REALLY kill someone, like REALLY REALLY kill someone in a rape-murder tragi-dramedy, or by filleting someone’s face and leaving the body parts scattered willy-nilly in the Rem Koolhaas-designed Prada flagship only to be discovered months later as actually NOT INTENTIONAL!? Leave me free to bitterly cling to my bitterness and also my Angostura bitters! Or at the very least, give me something to talk about. And that’s why I was supporting John Blair McCain IIVXIL for President but only until Halloween right before Election Day when we were all going to get loaded at the all-female Rocky Horror afterparty and plant our remaining weed (but ‘plant’ as in ‘criminally’ not ‘horticulturally’ for one last hurrah!) and then go off to Alaska in a wind-powered bus where we’ll live in Wasilla, Wasilla which is like Canada, this little place that is god, so stimulating in its use of whitespace and GIVE ME A STIMULANT okay better now, yes, to Wasilla where we will work this really great oil drilling jobs that are so fulfilling and will give me some inspiration for my writing and haha skiing. But the Queen is back? Who is the Queen again? Okay. Whatever you say, all on board, hold me close and don’t fucking touch my hair.]
