Gossip Girl S1 E16

Oh HELLO!

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:19:00 -0400

What’s new, pussycats? Did you hear that some young royal Brit is banging his stepmother?

That’s soooooooooo interesting. Season 2, you’ve had your fun, but all good things, such as the Republican National Convention, must come to an end. Spotted: Season 1 Episode 16, back from a mysterious absence. The bitch is back. In fact, ‘the queen’ is back if you don’t feel uncomfortable mixing your metaphors or at least your references to British royalty and if you think that Serena is anything more than a middling contributor to the field hockey team who is pretty adept with a curling iron and eventually turns in her math homework even though she always seems to have an excuse. An excuse like the RACE CARD.

[Note: 1. Yes this is a legitimate journalistic organization, so we’re not taking sides in either fight, NOT TO MENTION the firefight in Pakistan. Literally, NOT TO MENTION. 2. Or you can choose to look at it this way: We love Serena because her hair tickles our skin and sometimes she’s so sad when it’s not even her fault even though she KINDA knows Fannie and Freddie Mortimer. But we have her doubts even though she is so, so pretty because why is she so against doing cocaine? Why is he so against doing cocaine? Why didn’t she REALLY kill someone, like REALLY REALLY kill someone in a rape-murder tragi-dramedy, or by filleting someone’s face and leaving the body parts scattered willy-nilly in the Rem Koolhaas-designed Prada flagship only to be discovered months later as actually NOT INTENTIONAL!? Leave me free to bitterly cling to my bitterness and also my Angostura bitters! Or at the very least, give me something to talk about. And that’s why I was supporting John Blair McCain IIVXIL for President but only until Halloween right before Election Day when we were all going to get loaded at the all-female Rocky Horror afterparty and plant our remaining weed (but ‘plant’ as in ‘criminally’ not ‘horticulturally’ for one last hurrah!) and then go off to Alaska in a wind-powered bus where we’ll live in Wasilla, Wasilla which is like Canada, this little place that is god, so stimulating in its use of whitespace and GIVE ME A STIMULANT okay better now, yes, to Wasilla where we will work this really great oil drilling jobs that are so fulfilling and will give me some inspiration for my writing and haha skiing. But the Queen is back? Who is the Queen again? Okay. Whatever you say, all on board, hold me close and don’t fucking touch my hair.]

“THE SCENE” x Edwards’ endorsement of Obama....

Fri, 16 May 2008 17:28:00 -0400

“THE SCENE” x Edwards’ endorsement of Obama. Certainly, this contradicts my prior Blair-is-McCain fantasy, but worthwhile nonetheless.

Gossip Girl Season 1, Episode 16 and Monday's Earthquake in Sichuan, China that left 12,000+ Dead

Tue, 13 May 2008 10:11:55 -0400

Georgina sneezed.

"Feh."

Mon, 12 May 2008 23:28:29 -0400

“Feh.”

- Re: GGS1E17. Yeah, yeah, we’re all Chuck Bass. Go start a twitter.

Gossip Girl Season 1, Episode 16 and the 2008 Presidential Election

Mon, 12 May 2008 16:08:00 -0400

It is understood: Gossip Girl Season 1, Episode 16 is a crystalline reflection of society as we know it. Gossip Girl Season 1, Episode 16 represents the whole truth of life. It is not only a passive phenomenon— representing reality— but an active one, too, reshaping events of past, present and future with every flicker of Blair’s eyes. It transcends time and space, replicating on the simple streets of the Upper East Side but also on the muddied fields of the Boer War. It is a small, perfect vessel which allows us to understand ourselves, our world, and particle physics. And it knows everything before we do.

It knows, for example, that Serena is Barack Obama. Not simply because they both share bad-kid pasts. But because Serena, like Barack Obama, dreams of her father. Notice how both are so bludgeoned by the worlds they straddle: the Palace, Brooklyn, Hawaii, Indonesia, Los Angeles, New York, Chicago, the television. See their soft, lovely skin, and know that when Barack Obama speaks of ending racial hatred, he is speaking not only as a black man but as a blonde.

Serena and Blair Waldorf— I mean John McCain— have much in common. They are bonded for life— not only by their selves, but by their facades. Inextricably linked by a double helix of Gossip Girl fame and independents’ mania, all that matters is that we See them. See them as foils, as shimmering matching tupperware sets, and as the two sides of a Whirlpool freezer-fridge. The freezer and the fridge, which can survive somewhat separately but live off the same power supply, the same ravenous household. Just as Serena lives peacefully within Barack Obama, Blair is the twin of John McCain. They revel in their conservatism, but secretly struggle to escape. Sexed twice? Married twice. Thick, white tights? Tighty whiteys. As Blair slipped off her dress to dance at Victrola, John McCain put on her dress— the zipper stuck a bit— and voted for the war in Iraq.

Jenny Humphrey, indubitably, is Mike Huckabee— yes, Huckabee, whose formerly full frame reverberates through the universe and re-enters the world as tired yogurt jokes. But gone, for now.

Ahh, yes. And now we come to Georgina. Georgina the globe-trotter, Georgina who is so universally reviled. We hate Georgina, we love Georgina, and eventually it all means the same thing. Georgina is dating a Swiss prince but she is unhappy with being a mere princess. And while Serena/Barack Obama came back first, it is Georgina— also known as Hillary Clinton— who has made the greatest comeback.

What does this mean? It means Youtube. Some might say that it means that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had a threesome on video and then Barack Obama murdered someone.

Nay, I say. It means that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton WILL have a threesome on video and then Barack Obama WILL kill someone. Do not forget that the Gossip Girl threesome has not happened yet. For according to Gossip Girl, events become reality only after they are known by Gossip Girl.

Clearly, Barack Obama will participate in a drug-fueled, kinky threesome with two VP possibilities: Hillary and an unknown third. The third will be murdered. Hillary will smile. And Barack Obama will go running to John McCain. UNITY ‘08!

Until next time, XOXO,

Gossip Girl (you might know me by my other name)

"Jenny Humphrey in the Met fountain, fishing for change"

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:40:00 -0400

“Jenny Humphrey in the Met fountain, fishing for change”

- This GG rumor reminds me of the book The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, in which runaway children move into the Metropolitan Museum of Art for a few days. I hope Jenny does exactly that!

"Blair Waldorf seen dallying with an off-duty doorman at the blarney stone"

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:30:18 -0400

“Blair Waldorf seen dallying with an off-duty doorman at the blarney stone”

- This GG rumor is hilarious, because why would blair every hook up with a doorman? can she really get NOBODY in her own social world to sleep with her???

Additionally: the blarney stone, to people outside new york, conjures up idea of SKILLED WRITING...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:29:47 -0400

Additionally: the blarney stone, to people outside new york, conjures up idea of SKILLED WRITING (like… in Ireland). is this a self-referential holla by the gossip girl writers? or a clever prank played on gossip girl by some haywire tipsters?

I’m loving the sartorial and visual contrast between B and J. B...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:29:13 -0400

I’m loving the sartorial and visual contrast between B and J. B is cloaked, tied up with ribbons, super prim but ultra dark, while jenny is saccharine, over-the-top, yellow, looking unintentionally cheap. she looks like she’s trying way too hard to be innocent—especially with the black cravat peeking out underneath. girl we know you’re dark!!!

Blair: A nice shiny dime to add to your collection!

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:28:34 -0400

Blair: A nice shiny dime to add to your collection!
Jenny: Why the fruit cup B, lost your taste for yogurt?
Jenny, strikingly, can’t come up with an insult that relates to blair’s sluttiness as referenced in today's gossip girl blast. But Blair expands on the coin-fishing rumor beautifully. they’re playing on two whole different levels.

unless ‘yogurt’ is a nasty reference to blow jobs or somethin? Gossip Girl you...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:27:15 -0400

unless ‘yogurt’ is a nasty reference to blow jobs or somethin? Gossip Girl you didn’t!

Gustave Courbet

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:26:00 -0400

The exhibition advertised on the steps of the Met (in the show and in real life) is Gustave Courbet. Let’s wikipedia that shit….

He coined the term “REALISM.” hahahahahaha!
“Rather, Courbet believed the Realist artist’s mission was the pursuit of truth, which would help erase social contradictions and imbalances.”
“For Courbet realism dealt not with the perfection of line and form, but entailed spontaneous and rough handling of paint, suggesting direct observation by the artist while portraying the irregularities in nature. He depicted the harshness in life, and in so doing, challenged contemporary academic ideas of art, which brought the criticism that he deliberately adopted a cult of ugliness.”

Obviously Gustave Courbet is Gossip Girl. Let’s see what his most famous paintings depict the show…

Femme nue couchee, Courbet’s most famous painting. Plz...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:24:25 -0400

Femme nue couchee, Courbet’s most famous painting. Plz notice the kneesocks!

Georgina and Serena? Another Courbet.

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:24:02 -0400

Georgina and Serena? Another Courbet.

Both these informative works were banned from public viewing. Sad, I fear that Serena’s sex...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:23:28 -0400

Both these informative works were banned from public viewing. Sad, I fear that Serena’s sex tape will see the same fate. I’ll mention this again later, but I definitely see an opportunity for someone to make a porn parody.

courbet’s death was alcoholism related. HOLLLLLA SERENA. AND HOPEFULLY BLAIR. (BLAIR PLEASE...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:21:58 -0400

courbet’s death was alcoholism related. HOLLLLLA SERENA. AND HOPEFULLY BLAIR. (BLAIR PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GET DRUNK. WITH ME. ALSO OTHER DRUGS PLEASE).

"It’s a really small get together with just our closest friends."

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:21:14 -0400

“It’s a really small get together with just our closest friends.”

- Jenny’s speaking like she and Asher are totez already married. “Our” friends? Also, she practiced this line before.

Although, I guess if they’re an old married couple that explains why they’re not...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:20:39 -0400

Although, I guess if they’re an old married couple that explains why they’re not bangin’!!!!!

Also, what is this, a dinner party w assigned seats? what party can’t accommodate more? these ues...

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:20:05 -0400

Also, what is this, a dinner party w assigned seats? what party can’t accommodate more? these ues kids need to learn a more socially subtle way to exclude others.

NellyYuki: Blair can take my place!

Wed, 07 May 2008 21:19:49 -0400

NellyYuki: Blair can take my place!

NellyYuki here is falling into the exact same trap that jenny humphrey did with the kiss on the lips invite to serena. do I smell a rise to power by NellyYuki? I can definitely see her big glasses being a ticket into the world of Brooklyn hipsters, throwing yet another wrench into the socioeconomic drama.